Just me

 

 

I think this is umm (counts) 3rd blog I’ve started for Master on my submissive journey lol.  I always start then never stay consistent enough to continue.  So I’m hoping with these ADHD meds I’m on it will help me be more consistent.  I was going transfer my other blog entries to this blog, but decided not to.  Basically because I re read them and even though they were honest and from the heart, it was all love and mush etc and although its nice to hear from time to time, Master wants me to express my feelings.  My feelings of happiness, frustrations, struggles etc.  He says I have a tendency to present to Him that everything is great then find out I’ve been upset about something and didn’t come to Him about it.  And that impedes trust.  And I don’t want to impede His trust on how I’m feeling.  I know that when I disappoint Him, it hurts me and I cry.  I need Him to trust what i say.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes along my submissive journey but that’s how we learn to be better. Although those mistakes can be painful to learn.  He’s said He’s proud of me, and I can’t even begin to express how much that means to me.  I’ve come a long way in the time we’ve been together.  But I still have a long way to go.  I sent Him this like mega long IM the other morning lol, idk the words just kept flowing out.  And yea expressing how I feel is great, but if there are changes I need to make He needs to see them, not just hear about them.

There are times when I feel like I’m missing something in my submission, like I think I’m doing it right then realize I was doing it for me and not Him.  So I think I need to rethink how I approach Master with my questions and requests etc, to make it more about Him than me.  If I’m not doing something right, I want to know, I want to be corrected, I want to understand what I’m missing.  I don’t know maybe its just for me to figure out on my own, and if so I will.   I realize we’re slowly developing the new us, I had been holding on to the old us for quite sometime.  But a lot has changed, and I’ve learned to appreciate what I am given.  Whether its a kiss, or being tucked in.  I won’t try so hard, I’ll just be me.  And really I think that’s all He’s wanted.