The Act of Kneeling Before Your Dominant

I love my Master with all my heart, my body, my soul.  Being here, home with Him has ignited a more intense need on my part to serve, for rules, to know my boundaries.  This isn’t about visiting for a short time, or having a crazy weekend, it’s about living real life, and as much as there are fantasies about how a D/s real life relationship should be, the truth is, that its just day to day living, with the ability to incorporate the D/s aspect in a subtle way or in an open way depending on the opportunity at hand.

This need I feel, is beautiful I think. The need to want to please, serve, help, be available, be pleasing, is just burning in me.  But at the same time, we all need our space, so I’m trying to figure out how to balance that as well, and something for me to bring up for discussion.  I need to work on verbalizing how I feel more, again lol.  It’s just that sometimes I feel so much I don’t know how to or when to bring things up.

I do my reflections in the morning, and I’ve been reading my submissive’s prayer from the last post, and that really helps me gain focus.  I kneel during my reflections and this morning my focus after the prayer was on the act of kneeling.  Master and I are equals as people, human beings, but I’ve chosen to submit to Him, to give Him my submission, my self, and in making that choice I kneel before Him.  Kneeling demonstrates my submission, it demonstrates that even though we both know we are equals in one realm, we are not in another.  It demonstrates, strength, humility, devotion, and just simple contentment being at His feet.  It also shows Him, my respect as my Master, my Dominant, all done willingly.  I love the quote for the picture I posted above, because it does gain His attention, in a positive and respectful way.  Submission is an ever learning process.

I picked this topic of kneeling because it’s an act that again when the opportunity arises, its how I want to show that aspect of my submission.  Sometimes there just aren’t words to convey my love and appreciation, and sometimes actions without words say the most…. I think anyways…

I love You Master xoxo ((me))

Growth in My Submission, By Falling and Getting Back Up

I just got back recently from a week’s vacation with Master, it was wonderful to spend a week with Him, away from the stressors of life. I’m a person that talks a lot lol, and I’ve noticed that when I’m with Him, I tend to be more quiet.  Its a content quiet, because He calms me, He makes me feel at peace, and really all I want is to just be with Him.  Don’t get me wrong we have many times when we talk up a storm, but and I could be wrong it just seems like we bring peace to one another.  We just seem to flow as one in a way.  We’re not perfect by any means, but we’ve spent 3 years together, which is a short time in a sense, but it just feels like its always been.  We’ve had our share of very rough times, together and separately, but as He once told me, the thought of me not being in His life doesn’t exist.  I’m not the same person I was 3 years ago, I’ve evolved, changed in better and stronger ways.

---

My biggest challenge though is communication.  I assume a lot, I will acknowledge I did something wrong but then give excuses why, and then I seem to contradict myself, and become confusing lol.  I can write out my feelings with ease, writing gives me time to think.  When I verbalize feelings or explanations, I get flustered.  I need to learn to be more direct.  Communication goes both ways of course, but He’s my Master and He not I determines His responses to my questions or statements, or just randomness during the course of my day.  And I’m realizing that its my responsibility to state my needs, my expectations, to request new rules with reasons behind them, and not assume He’s just going to know.  I think its part of Him wanting to find myself.  I just need to learn to reach out more, be direct with statements or questions, I need to stop waiting for things to happen and be proactive and help pave the path for those things to happen. I know I will get there, its just frustrating when I know I’m not there yet, frustrating when I make mistakes, but that is how I grow personally and as His submissive. So I stumble, I mess up, makes mistakes, but I always shake off the dust, and try harder, because I never give up.

My confidence in myself has grown immensely, but I still don’t own me, if that makes sense. I still have doubts and insecurities, I mean we all do (I think lol). During this vacation I had like this anxiety attack/meltdown at a munch we attended (first one for all of us) and I felt a lot of people staring at me and it freaked me out lol.  We went outside, and He said they were staring because I was beautiful, and I need to own that, and be confident in who I am.  So I said, I’d go back in and act confident, and He said, don’t act it be it. He told me to focus on Him.  So I did, and just Him saying that to me, made me realize He’s proud I’m His.  He’s told me before, but that night it just shined through Him and He held my hand tightly and it was ok again.

No matter what we’ll always be ok, I know that. I love Him and I love the way we are together.  Being a submissive is hard, its a lot of self introspection, learning oneself, and its not something a lot of new subs understand, or mainstream society will ever get.  Being a Dominant is hard, they are responsible for this person that needs them so badly, for meeting their needs, for determining when a sub is ready to take things to another level.  They have to be patient to see changes happen, to see the actions of submission, its all about baby steps.  At least it is with us, nothing is ever rushed, because we know our relationship is long term, and there will be plenty of time ahead to take our TPE relationship to deeper and levels.  It just takes patience, love, and understanding of Him and me, and me and Him.  Because we are constantly learning, experimenting, experiencing one another, and that is the beauty of our D/s relationship, we are complete.

These are my early morning thoughts….

I love You Master *kiss  ((me))